Walking the paths, finding your rules
Earlier this winter we spent a weekend walking the winding paths of the Botswana bush. Our homestead had little to no WiFi or mobile connection, and no electricity.
Each morning started with a good coffee, soaking up the first rays of deep orange light. Days are mostly about long slow walks. Sunsets bring out the calls of jackals. Nights offer dinners around the fire with good conversation. Sleep is deep and nourishing. The mix of slow activity and relaxation is mesmerising. Time loses it’s significance with each day that passes. The mind and body fall naturally into a rhythm that feels effortlessly energising. You just let go.
On return from the solitude, I had the anti-dote to chaos: renew focus and clarity with four days in the bush - little distraction, walking, fireside conversation. A new offering for clients could return us to the basics, I figured, forget the juggling of competing priorities and hold space for deeper attention in an awe-filled setting.
Three weeks back at the desk, I’m appreciating the value of a refresh, but also the reality that most can’t get to a retreat easily. And, that we need to generate a generous income to be free, and to do that in a rewarding and empowering way appears increasingly challenging in a complex world.
So what is available to us in each day, where we find ourselves?
There is a business concept called unwritten ground rules, or UGRs. UGRs form a playbook for how things get done at work. They guide what we do, how we do it, and the results we secure. Often not explicit, they are frequently in contrast with stated values. Informal and unspoken norms, behaviours and routines shape how we interact, and frequently override formal policies. ‘Innovate’ might be a core company value, but how free are you to speak up or disagree? The meta-rule or UGR here us that we don’t challenge prevailing wisdom, or the way things have always been done. That rule prevents inquiry, which can disable new and innovative ideas.
Repeating and defining our values on rote versus our experience of ‘what really happens around here’ can be draining and unproductive. It creates dissonance and unease. Over time you wonder if your energy for impact is truly being maximised.
We used the concept of UGRs a fair amount in the years running up to Covid, but have not used them much since. Recently a request came in from a client to use them as a bedrock for creating a new leadership blueprint. That got me thinking about questions we could be asking, anywhere.
We should be able to discover and port desired rules, norms and behaviours into any context. These basics can be found wherever we are, if we find them first in ourselves and practice them consciously. In truth, the beauty of the bush environment and the absence of distraction offered a mirror to more clarity, more quickly.
To embark on this more intentional journey, we might start with asking a few questions. We can ask these anywhere, any time.
What are my personal unwritten ground rules? Could they be holding me back, even though I have clear, stated goals about what I want to achieve? Are there routines and norms I’ve been exposed to, or got used to, and now live to?
What are my unspoken expectations? Do they cause dissatisfaction because there is a mismatch between what I hope for and what I get?
What are the unwritten rules in my context that make me feel uneasy or conflicted?
What feedback and insight can I gather for a blueprint to port into any context of my life? Just like staring up into a dark night sky complete with stars after a beautiful day in the bush?
To discover UGRs, we can ask others what the rules for success are ‘around here’, as they see them. If you hear ambiguity, ask for more information and for examples.
Contextual demands will always change and likely intensify. To navigate a landscape that feels chaotic and at times out of our control, we should build our awareness of the rules in play - and make them explicit. Getting underneath the skin of what we live by helps us focus on removing barriers and increasing predictability of impact. Rules form a blueprint that shapes what we do, how we do it, and ultimately, what we achieve.
That concept of a bush retreat is still enticing. Perhaps we will explore pragmatics in a way that is accessible. For now, I’ll continue to honour the experience for what it offered me personally, a chance to walk the paths, find the rules.
PS: Here are some of the ground rules that serve me:
Find and invest in relationships that matter. Prioritise connection. It delivers compound interest over time. Reduce energy where it does not compound.
Speak up when you feel dissonance. Get insight into what’s happening. If you continue to feel it over time, rethink where you are and who you are with.
Position yourself so that you can learn and stretch as much as you can. Know when it is time to move on. Move on. You don’t have to finish everything you start, contrary to popular wisdom.
Focus on what is within your control. There is always something within your reach.
Practice discipline and consistency. That could be writing 700 words a day, reading a few pages a day. It is the bedrock of anything and everything you ever wanted to achieve.